According to Battletech lore, this mech is “affectionately” known as the T-Bolt, which is a good rapper name. There are a lot of big trampers to choose from in the Battletech universe, but let’s pick the Thunderbolt, because he carries a missile battery on his broad kegger shoulder like it’s a barrel of Milwaukee’s Best. It is the only mech on this list able to hear its own stomp. Magitek Armour - Final Fantasy VI & Final Fantasy XIV Sahelanthropus is the bi-pedal robo-tank that exudes big dick energy, and it literally stands up for what it believes in: discriminate murder. Y'know when your cat hears something unusual? And it stands on its hind legs like a meerkat in the Kalahari, looking alert and sort of disturbing? That’s Metal Gear Sahelanthropus, except it is hundreds of tons heavier and covered in a skin of depleted uranium. Metal Gear Sahelanthropus - Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain Through close calls and palsy bants, you begin to think of your giant metal warsuit not as a tool or weapon, but as a big metal dog you climb inside. Respawn understood that a player wouldn’t care about a throwaway tin can with machine guns attached, so they gave your bot-bud a voice and the rudimentary personality of a very shiny K-9 unit. The story is not sci-fi Shakespeare, but it is at least a fun buddy cop show. Titanfall 2’s campaign was short, sweet and full of hot man-on-mech action. If you cannot bound several miles across an abstract landmass, do you even qualify as a mech? No, says the Leap Mech, you are just a big microwave with legs.
This leaping botboy puts a dent in his own armour in the process, but such is the price of a really good stomp. It hops across the tiled map, clearing buildings, mountains, rivers and its own team mates to land next to its giant insectoid foes, pushing them aside with a damaging slam. The Leap Mech in this tactical game of kaiju chess is a masochistic megaflea. There is no greater stomp than the sky stomp. But are they are all good at squashing? Leap Mech - Into The Breach The heaviest, most murderous machines we know and trust with our frail human bods. Here is a list of the 9 stompiest mechs in PC games.
But would it not bring greater valour, greater unity, greater enlightenment, if those same 65-ton brogues were used … to dance!
Yes, it is very noble to slam your big steel shoes upon a separatist’s bedroom, and to laser him in the head. That is the lesson we must learn from the futuristic prophecies of the MechWarrior games. Is there something you think doesn’t deserve to be on this list? Comment with your reasons why, and next week it may be taken off. One Off The List is our weekly list feature.
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